Something In Her Eyes

Something In Her Eyes

Something in her eyes. A glistening – a twirling, radiating shadow.
It captures my attention. I lean in. Her breathing quickens, rapid little heaves as my face closes on hers. The closeness is an intimacy; it forges a bond that words can’t describe as I study her twinkling brown irises. They mystify me, consume me. The way the light hits them, the reflections from them. I see myself.
Also, I see that strange iridescence, that shimmering glow in their depths that made me get so close in the first place. This is what I’ve been looking for. This is what I’ve been chasing my whole life.

“You’ve definitely got the condition, Mrs. Newman. Talk to my nurse, and she’ll enroll you in the study.”
As I leave, I stop and turn. “I’m glad you came. What we learn from your eyes will be invaluable in our research.”
She smiles back. “Thanks so much, Doctor.”

I love misdirection. Some of the best writers (especially thrillers and mystery writers) will lead you someplace in their writing, making you think something is absolutely that thing, when it turns out at the end, it was something else entirely. Sitcoms work on the same premise.
Here’s a short piece that occurred to me for no reason at all.
Did the misdirection work? And was the payoff worth the effort of your reading?
Let me know, along with any criticsm, in the comments.

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47 thoughts on “Something In Her Eyes

  1. It worked like a charm Guap – I totally dodn’t see the ending coming. i too enjpy these twists on reality – or rather what we perceive as reality. When you think about it, we make thousands of assumptions a day as to how things will turn out or what they mean. When those assumptions are incorrect, it s amusing and informative. Basically the root of humor. I dearly love doing that deliberately to people by using their tendency to assume.

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    • Thanks Paul. The cleverest ones I’ve seen are the ones that take advantage of totally plausible assumptions on the part of the reader/viewer, like The Sixth Sense.

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      • I just have to tell you this one Guap. I had colon cancer and as a result was left with a colostomy. Sometime after that I was the Regional Safety Director of a tanker company. The owner and head office were 300 miles away and when the owner would get upset or angry at something we did here in Ottawa, he would call down and whoever answered the phone would get a major blast. He would hang up and be OK after that. Anyway, one day our dispatch got caught with some beakdowns and a very important commercial customer ran out of diesel and had to shut down for 2 hours. Their HO called our HO and reemed out the owner. He called our office and i happened to answer the phone. Now the owner, Gord, and I had spoken many times before and his father had passed away from the very same cancer that i had had, so we had discussed this. Anyway, I picked up the phone and he started and every second word was “Fuck” and he was hollering. He said ” I’M GOING TO COME DOWN THERE AND CUT EVERY FUCKING ONE OF YOU A NEW FUCKING ASSHOLE.” And I replied quietly ” Gord, I already have two assholes, I’m not sure where i’d put a third one.” There was a long silence, he started to laugh and he said “Fuck off Paul!” and hung up. Ha! His wrong assumption was that I only had one asshole to start and he was wrong.

        Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you, Trent. Actually, the word “depths” was changed several times. I used orbs first, but my wife said it threw her out of the story. I didn’t want to use eyes again, and once you eliminate peepers and oculus, there aren’t lot of synonyms for eyes…

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      • Yeah. Just looked at that bit again, think it works really well. The part I like the best about this snapshot is the end of that first paragraph “This is what I’ve been looking for. This is what I’ve been chasing my whole life”. That is such a hook.

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  2. I was startled by the misdirection…but the first thing that came to my mind was something called “lisch nodules” that docs look for in the eyes as a sign of a genetic disorder called NF1. If I see the words medical condition you’re going to take me off track everytime

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  3. Very well done! Good idea actually. I couldn’t have guessed where this was going , even after seen the word ‘misdirection’ at the bottom of the post. So you could say it worked for sure!

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  4. I enjoyed this, though I didn’t so much think sitcom, as sci-fi mad scientist or a twist on Dr, Frankenstein or even a psychopathic killer with an obsession for eyes that could be a Criminal Minds episode though I think they already did an episode like that.

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  5. Perfect misdirection, Guapo. I was totally sucked into a romance, a love story… you had me in the palm of your hand, or the deep, brown eyes of your character. The twist, pulled me around quickly and was tightly done. Nice job!

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  6. Okay, first–how long have you been back? I guess I can check for myself. I feel like an idiot.

    Secondly, this reminds me of a joke.

    A woman was talking to her doctor and said, “Yesterday I caught my son with the little neighbor girl. They were touching each other’s private parts.”

    The doctor smiled patiently. “Well, I imagine you were surprised, but that kind of experimentation is really quite natural.”

    “Well, I’m still very concerned,” the woman sad, “And so is my son’s wife.”

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    • Ha! I think an awful lot of humor is that misdirection, like the “misunderstanding” humor that most sitcom episodes are built on.

      Ok, bad example of humor…

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