Something In Her Eyes
Something in her eyes. A glistening – a twirling, radiating shadow.
It captures my attention. I lean in. Her breathing quickens, rapid little heaves as my face closes on hers. The closeness is an intimacy; it forges a bond that words can’t describe as I study her twinkling brown irises. They mystify me, consume me. The way the light hits them, the reflections from them. I see myself.
Also, I see that strange iridescence, that shimmering glow in their depths that made me get so close in the first place. This is what I’ve been looking for. This is what I’ve been chasing my whole life.
“You’ve definitely got the condition, Mrs. Newman. Talk to my nurse, and she’ll enroll you in the study.”
As I leave, I stop and turn. “I’m glad you came. What we learn from your eyes will be invaluable in our research.”
She smiles back. “Thanks so much, Doctor.”
I love misdirection. Some of the best writers (especially thrillers and mystery writers) will lead you someplace in their writing, making you think something is absolutely that thing, when it turns out at the end, it was something else entirely. Sitcoms work on the same premise.
Here’s a short piece that occurred to me for no reason at all.
Did the misdirection work? And was the payoff worth the effort of your reading?
Let me know, along with any criticsm, in the comments.
Alphabet Soup. Without the slurping! 
You totally got me with it. I was completely drawn in and that snapped out of the story going what?
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I’m not sure If I’m too heavy handed here, leading the story in a direction. It can be argued that the Doctor is actually in love with his research, but that may be a little thin.
This would probably make a good sitcom episode though…
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I really liked it. The surprise factor is there for sure!
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It would make a good sitcom
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It totally worked, dangit!
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Thanks so much, Jaded. The idea hit me, and I thought “why not share”.
Hope you enjoyed it!
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I enjoyed. When the optometrist says to focus on this or the dentist massages your jawline…it is purely medical, even though you are thisclose. Love the misdirection.
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It worked like a charm Guap – I totally dodn’t see the ending coming. i too enjpy these twists on reality – or rather what we perceive as reality. When you think about it, we make thousands of assumptions a day as to how things will turn out or what they mean. When those assumptions are incorrect, it s amusing and informative. Basically the root of humor. I dearly love doing that deliberately to people by using their tendency to assume.
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Thanks Paul. The cleverest ones I’ve seen are the ones that take advantage of totally plausible assumptions on the part of the reader/viewer, like The Sixth Sense.
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I just have to tell you this one Guap. I had colon cancer and as a result was left with a colostomy. Sometime after that I was the Regional Safety Director of a tanker company. The owner and head office were 300 miles away and when the owner would get upset or angry at something we did here in Ottawa, he would call down and whoever answered the phone would get a major blast. He would hang up and be OK after that. Anyway, one day our dispatch got caught with some beakdowns and a very important commercial customer ran out of diesel and had to shut down for 2 hours. Their HO called our HO and reemed out the owner. He called our office and i happened to answer the phone. Now the owner, Gord, and I had spoken many times before and his father had passed away from the very same cancer that i had had, so we had discussed this. Anyway, I picked up the phone and he started and every second word was “Fuck” and he was hollering. He said ” I’M GOING TO COME DOWN THERE AND CUT EVERY FUCKING ONE OF YOU A NEW FUCKING ASSHOLE.” And I replied quietly ” Gord, I already have two assholes, I’m not sure where i’d put a third one.” There was a long silence, he started to laugh and he said “Fuck off Paul!” and hung up. Ha! His wrong assumption was that I only had one asshole to start and he was wrong.
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It’s good to work for a boss with a sense of humor!
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Paul – you need to write up this story for a guest submission, because I just horked coffee through my nose all over my iMac. Fucking hilarious – seriously, just priceless.
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Loved the misdirection. What started as a presumed love story actually ended as medical research, which, of course, as a medical nerd, totally works for me!
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Thank you Carrie. I didn’t even consider how this would be taken by medical professionals. I wonder if I can get this printed in the brochures of the next optometrist conference…
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Worked beautifully, didn’t see the misdirection coming. Wouldn’t change a word.
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Thank you, Trent. Actually, the word “depths” was changed several times. I used orbs first, but my wife said it threw her out of the story. I didn’t want to use eyes again, and once you eliminate peepers and oculus, there aren’t lot of synonyms for eyes…
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Yeah. Just looked at that bit again, think it works really well. The part I like the best about this snapshot is the end of that first paragraph “This is what I’ve been looking for. This is what I’ve been chasing my whole life”. That is such a hook.
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I was startled by the misdirection…but the first thing that came to my mind was something called “lisch nodules” that docs look for in the eyes as a sign of a genetic disorder called NF1. If I see the words medical condition you’re going to take me off track everytime
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*note to self: consult Kelly when medical references are needed*
I was just thinking of the swirly bits I see when I have dirt in my eye, and figured eh, go with it.
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Good idea to consult me cuz I do know…and I have a blog that says so. But swirly bits will work, too- way more poetic
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Very well done! Good idea actually. I couldn’t have guessed where this was going , even after seen the word ‘misdirection’ at the bottom of the post. So you could say it worked for sure!
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Thanks NBI. Originally, I had the italics comentary at the top.
I wonder if it still would have worked if everyone knew what was coming…
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I enjoyed this, though I didn’t so much think sitcom, as sci-fi mad scientist or a twist on Dr, Frankenstein or even a psychopathic killer with an obsession for eyes that could be a Criminal Minds episode though I think they already did an episode like that.
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I think they also did a CSI episode on an eye osessed killer.
What an odd niche…
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Nicely done.
A little deception goes a long way and I would say you used just the right measure.
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Thanks so much, SPP.
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You completely got me on this one. One minute I’m reading a love song, and the next….it’s time for Mrs Newman’s co-pay. Nicely done, handsome. And good to see you…
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That song was probably written by Dan Fogelberg and Paul Simon…
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It worked for sure! I loved it 😊
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Thanks Hugger!
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Perfect misdirection, Guapo. I was totally sucked into a romance, a love story… you had me in the palm of your hand, or the deep, brown eyes of your character. The twist, pulled me around quickly and was tightly done. Nice job!
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Sorry I missed this. Thanks, Dawn. I worry about being too heavy-handed on these.
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I just found this lurking in my inbox, sorry to be so late to the game here. Love the twist on this 😀
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Just found this lurking in my comments!
Thanks Sheena. I was trying for a fun “Oh!” at the end.
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How did I not know about this site?
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I didn’t want to blog the way I’d been, but still wanted a place for the occasional story, so I set this up.
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That makes me happy!
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You got me Guaps! You can see this kind of misdirection often in my blog when I use humor because I love misdirection so much!
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Thanks so much, Benze!
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Okay, first–how long have you been back? I guess I can check for myself. I feel like an idiot.
Secondly, this reminds me of a joke.
A woman was talking to her doctor and said, “Yesterday I caught my son with the little neighbor girl. They were touching each other’s private parts.”
The doctor smiled patiently. “Well, I imagine you were surprised, but that kind of experimentation is really quite natural.”
“Well, I’m still very concerned,” the woman sad, “And so is my son’s wife.”
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Ha! I think an awful lot of humor is that misdirection, like the “misunderstanding” humor that most sitcom episodes are built on.
Ok, bad example of humor…
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A work of genius…loved it and love the new site! Also, I am back from a brief break…at least for now
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Thanks, and it’s good to see you, SnB.
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Fabbo flash!
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Thank you, young lady!
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It worked! Pulled me in! Masterfully done!
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Thank you! Best review an author could ask for.
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